Before we made the big flight over here, Dan and I were browsing through a bookstore in Southern California last summer when I came across a memoir by Lisa Fineberg Cook titled "Japan Took the J.A.P Out Of Me". Truth be told we were there to scour baby name books but I of course had to look everywhere else for a good book, too.
We ended up leaving and I filed that book in my mental library in the "to read" section. Thankfully I had just read a discussion a few weeks prior on a message board I frequent about stereotypes and what the definition of "J.A.P" was. On the message board it was just "JAP" and those who were unsure were informed that JAP has two meanings. One being the shorthand / ethnic slur for Japanese and the other meaning Jewish American Princess. Ahhh, okay.
So anyway, this Jewish woman gets married and right after she gets married she heads to mainland Japan with her husband. When I said right after I literally mean right after, only a week between their wedding and their flight to their new country. Eesh!
I bought the iBook of this a couple weeks ago and have been slowly making my way through it. I have caught myself laughing and nodding my head because I empathize with how she was feeling.
I've decided to share some excerpts - I'd recommend this book for a light read even if you haven't lived in Japan. I have more than 10 pages bookmarked, though, so this will probably have to be in a Part I, Part II, and possibly Part III.
"Here, nobody knows me, so there's nothing to compare the previous me to...These Japanese women are tiny. I mean teeny tiny, skinny tiny, petite-on-every-level tiny, designer-heaven tiny...On my skinniest L.A. day, two of them could easily fit into one pair of my jeans with room left over for their cell phones."
See I can relate to this excerpt because 99.9% of the women here are just itsy-bitsy. I've been warned to not shop off base for jeans because it won't be the same as shopping for American sizes. I've been told this by two different people, one who lives on island and tried shopping herself (she is my size before I was pregnant) and by another friend who lives in another Asian country.
"I have to confess that when I watch Peter having an apple and wasabi peas for breakfast, I feel twinges of guilt. I'm not working yet; I don't do anything all day except laundry; why aren't I cooking?"
I've had these thoughts before, especially when Dan comes home from a long day at work and ends up cooking or eating left overs. Granted I've also been in school at least part-time and half of our time here I've been growing a baby, the other half of that time I've been taking care of said baby. Sometimes I still feel badly though because I'm not little miss Susie Homemaker.
Dan doesn't expect me to perform any of the roles I have assigned myself, the pressure is only from me. I feel like I should be doing X, Y and Z domesticated things because that's just what you do when you're married, right?
Right or wrong, depending on the individual couple or family. Until I was in junior high I was raised in a single-parent family headed by my Mama. Since my Ma and my step-dad have been married they have shared roles. They aren't tied to gender-specific/stereotyped roles, they share responsibilities. I think it is the same with my Dad and his wife though I haven't spent a long enough amount of time with them to be certain.
I'm not quite sure where I have come up with these very rigid, set roles because it definitely wasn't learning via experience. I'm sure media has a lot to do with it but I can't think of a show that I've watched or a book that I've read where the woman does "womanly" chores and the man does "manly" chores.
Anyway, I think I just feel like I'm not working because I don't have a "job". I'm not hired by a company to do specific tasks, I don't have a schedule that I have to check, nor do I have to submit PTO when I want to go somewhere. I do have a job, though. I'm a Mama to the cutest little blue-eyed baby on this island and I'm a student. Those are jobs, so I need to stop being hung up on the fact that I'm not pulling a paycheck.
I'm very fortunate that I don't have to work while we're in Okinawa. Very, very fortunate. I don't want to come off as snotty or spoiled, it is just a big transition for me from going from FT work and FT classes to no outside-of-the-home work and PT (eventually FT) classes. I'm not complaining, or I'm not trying not to. I guess I just have my own hang ups as to what it means for me to be contributing to this little family of mine.
Wow, tangent. I'm sorry about that - this blog acts as my journal as I'm awful about actually writing in the one I have, so I kind of let it all out there. Word vomit to the extreme! Back to excerpts...
"Well, here I am in a new life, but nowhere does it talk about what to do when you're living in Japan with your new husband, no girlfriends, and no job. I imagine the tag lines: Learn the art of Japanese calligraphy! Become a sushi expert! Drive your man crazy in a geisha-kinda way! Love those bonsai!"
This lady is hilarious: Love those bonsai! I'm seriously considering writing to her and telling her thank you for sharing her story with whoever buys her book.
I am making friends, slowly but surely, so the "no girlfriends" part does not apply. I have a job, just not one where I have to leave my baby and my home. I would like to become a sushi expert, though...and maybe have a bonsai garden or something.
More excerpts another time since I definitely added a lot of my own commentary to this entry. Has anyone else made the transition from working outside of the home to being a stay-at-home-mom? How was it for you? Anyone move to another country, either for a short period of time or an extended period of time? Share details!
Thoughts or advice are welcome too, especially by loved ones. :) If you don't feel like leaving a comment here for all to see you can definitely email me (us) at ourislandoutlook@gmail.com
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